The idea of a paradox in your experience became apparent in this week's World Work Tape Group where we shared: Don't fight the paradox. The idea continues in an article I wrote and feel like sharing with you. The references are to chapters or lessons of A Course in Miracles.

Am I living in a paradox? In my awakening it becomes even more clear than ever. There is a world I respond to, that moves me, that concerns me, it simply seems to do all kinds of things with me. While there is nothing outside myself and I take responsibility for everything I see and experience, it is what I learn and pray in the responsibility for sight. (ch 21)

You say: “I am a body and I am free, I am still as God created me”, when you practice lesson 199. Suddenly you wake up with a fever or any kind of unexpected lumb and it scares you, it shakes you up. You find yourself in the middle of a paradox. 

You might have been used to meditating before you started doing the lessons of A Course in Miracles. What did you do during the meditations, you closed your eyes. Now we open up the Workbook and in the first lesson we are instructed as follows: “Now look slowly around you and practice this idea very specifically to whatever you see…” 

What happens? It brings you to an awareness of the paradox you are temporarily in. You are asked to express that what you see is meaningless, very specifically. It is not necessary to believe it or to accept it or to understand it as the Introduction shares. What happens? It puts your nose right into the paradox. No transcending ideas, no escape, no relief…? The lessons continue, you practice them and some of them you really like and some feel really helpful. But in your experience of yourself what happens?

Suddenly you start to have moments of light experiences of relief, of deep joy and connectedness. Something surely opened up in your consciousness. You feel more and deeper inspired to continue the lessons and read the textbook with great interest. Amazing to receive this Gift. Beyond the admission of the meaninglessness of the world you see, something starts to dawn. The Advent of A Great Awakening. Yes, you are part of that, it is you waking up!

The next day you wake up. Sit on the edge of your bed. You pick up the Workbook to read a line. Everything seems dense, heavy clouds gather to surround your mind. You start all over again. Love is the way I walk in gratitude, is what comes to you. Do I feel that gratitude? No, I feel heaviness and am in doubt if this is ever going to work. What do I do? Does the Course tell me to ignore my feelings and doubts? No it says: “I take the journey with you, I share your doubts and fears for a little while so that you may come to me who recognizes the road by which all fears and doubts are overcome”.(Review introduction lesson 170) Where does this place me but in the paradox. Jesus in the Course doesn’t walk away from me or my doubts, he sits with me in this paradox. 

Over and over Jesus is asking me not to resist or fight this paradox, but to gently allow it for a little while. If I would resist it or try to resolve it in my ways, what would happen? I would think that I could learn a lesson from the past or that either outcome of my meaningless ideas would make a difference. Where would I place myself: in a prison of my own making. But this is where I want to get out of, right? The prison of my human ideas of separation. Are you telling me that I am going to get out of this prison by not doing anything? Yes I am. The action of not doing anything to escape is what the escape is. Amazing. 

How is that working? I don’t know how that is for you, but for me it is what my transformational journey is. What I mean by that is that not responding in a human, socially accepted way to a situation or event is really something you have to learn. It is not that it will give you an immediate response of relief or happiness, far from it. It may bring up some feelings of depression, doubt and more feelings in that direction. What happens in your experience is that you learn to relinquish your first response to situations. You practice patience. You direct your attention inward, you don’t expect an outer acceptance or approval.

You see what happens? You step out of time-relating to inner God-relating. No matter how it feels or where you seem to go through. You are developing trust and only that will bring you the experience of peace. No more looking for a quick fix or instant gratification. Your miracle mind is offering you a different vision always, one that is forever and ever. 

Suddenly there is that light in my mind, whatever happened before is gone. The light is expanding and suddenly I realize I am holding a hand and am part of a great and shining circle of Atonement and recognition. I stand on holy ground. I recognize that they have come. The blood of hatred fades to let the grass grow green again, and let the flowers be all white and sparkling in the summer sun… What hatred has released to love becomes the brightest light in Heaven’s radiance. (ch 26 For they have come Excerpt) For one instant I didn’t resist the paradox and suddenly it is gone, for it never was.